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But, you can and should tell the person that you disagree. Better to take the time to explain why you disagree. Do you want to hear why I disagree? Rewarding the Candor does not mean just taking it. Sometimes you are going to get some feedback you disagree with.
19 Self-Acceptance Quotes For Relating To Yourself In A Healthier Way
But nor do you want to feel muzzled. If you use Radical Candor — if you state your position in a way that challenges directly and shows you care personally — both you and the person who gave you feedback will be able to come away from the conversation feeling you heard their feedback, were grateful for it, and were considerate, not defensive, in the way you explained your point of view.
Take your time.
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Ideally, in the moment, just focus on listening and understanding. If you disagree, ask for some time to think more about the feedback.
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Taking more time will also help if you are mad or feel like it will be hard not to get defensive in the moment. Find common ground. Discuss your disagreement. Ask to discuss both your thinking and theirs. Commit to a course of action. Russ Laraway did this perfectly when he got some feedback from his direct report Elisse. He disagreed with it. They discussed it for a couple of minutes. Think of criticism as a very specific kind of gift.
There are two ways in which it can be a gift.
His mother died from malaria when he was about 10 in front of him. She suffered through this. He was convinced that there were treatments out there for her, which in fact there were. My dad had started to have pain in the back of his neck, and it would shoot down his left hand. But then he started to get numbness and tingling in his fingers, and that was a little more concerning. He got an MRI. His physician ordered it thinking that maybe he had a bulging disc, and he might need some disc surgery, and instead what they found was a tumor, a huge tumor.
It was some kind of mass that was growing in the middle of the spinal cord, expanding outward. It extended all the way up to his brain stem, all the way down the length of his neck, to the first couple vertebrae in his chest. So he called me up. He e-mailed the digital files of the images in the way that we do nowadays.
And so we had a call —. You see big tumors all the time, and you take them out. They were night and day in some respects and identical in others. They both recommended the same operation. Chemotherapy and radiation are not good for a tumor like this. It could be a benign kind; it could be a malignant kind. They both suggested therefore that you needed to operate to at least take a biopsy, take out however much you could.
The surgeon at my hospital said this should be done right away, that he would not wait on this, that it had already begun to paralyze his hand and it could do a lot worse if he just let it go. He would eventually become quadriplegic from this, and that therefore he needed to operate. The other surgeon, Dr. You have a stepwise progression — maybe the paralysis would go up one arm; he could end up having weakness in the other arm or weakness in the leg — and therefore wanted to discuss what the options and timing might be with my dad. My dad had a lot of questions that sometimes a surgeon might have that a patient might not have.
How does tennis fit into this? He was starting to find it more difficult to move. That loss of function, it was symbolic. That meant he was losing control of his life in multiple ways.
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The operation is a big operation. He thought there was — he meaning Dr. Benzel — talked about there being a one-in-four, one-in-five chance of being quadriplegic coming out of this or having a major complication to his heart or lungs.
They nearly had to shock him as he lost blood pressure from it. They were able to get medication to convert the rhythm. He possibly had a heart attack, and [he] came out asking us whether they should go ahead with the surgery or stop, because of his heart. Her father had had a spinal cord tumor, and the questions she had asked her father before he went into surgery was, what are your fears if this goes wrong?
But this had emerged as one marker of what was good enough for him. What are the fears that you have? What are the goals that you have? He cried, and my mom cried, and I cried, and we talked, and he told us that it was not good enough for him to just be able to watch football on television and eat chocolate ice cream. For him, what he loved was interaction with people, and he wanted to be able to be social. He did not like the possibility of losing that much control over his life and needing total care.
So when Ed Benzel came out of that operating room saying that something had gone wrong, at least temporarily, with his heart, that they could go ahead with the surgery or stop it and halt, the cardiologist thought it was OK to go ahead, but there was some uncertainty. Which one is going to give him his best chance at avoiding being quadriplegic? The surgery was in June My father spent just a few days in the hospital and then a few weeks in a rehab hospital still in Cleveland, but by late July was home and doing well.
He was walking. He had traded constant pain now in his neck for a pain-free neck that was welded stiff, and to him that was a perfectly fine trade-off. He was sleeping through the night — his life had improved.
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Once he got through it, his life had improved, and he was going to get to have much longer without being quadriplegic. The difficult question then came of whether he wanted to undergo radiation.http://www.lankute.lt/wp-includes/2020-05-31/425.php
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They did a biopsy, and it came back as an astrocytoma, which is a kind of cancer of the brain and spinal cord. We moved from Dr. In October of that year he began the radiation therapy. It was every day for something like six weeks. The radiation therapy after a couple weeks was also taking a lot of energy out of him.
Just the doses were knocking him down. That bothered him a lot. He began to lose weight.